Is It Okay To Be Scared?

It all started around two years ago for me, when a disturbing article began to circulate around Facebook. It wasn’t the first time I read about a kidnapping, or rape case. But that one particular article reached deep down my throat, and pulled my guts right out of me. Everything in my life from that point onward began to associate with fear.

Rape- something every kid on the block knows about today. Even the 6 year old that might not know what it’s called, but knows what it is, coz she was a victim. The number of stories, the endless and unstoppable cries, and the permanently damaged lives of the girls who were dragged in….It’s just too much to handle. It’s just too much to keep us living with sanity

I notice people who read these stories and move on. I know people who think incidents like these happen to only the ones who deserved it, and if you were a good person, you wouldn’t be a victim. But really, how can anyone deserve something like this? How can anyone leave everything to fate and ‘karma’, and just live with the fear of being the next target till the day the die, or the day they actually face this trauma? What if it’s just me who has become paranoid and things really won’t be that bad? There are so many questions on my mind that nobody’s answers have been able to satisfy. So I went on a quest of my own, to figure it out.

My first attempt was talking to my friends. One of them is a psychologist-in-making. We discussed the matter, and she shared her own fears. But she’s more independent than I am, so she set her own example (like having to travel alone for work by private autos) and told me that it’s a part of life, and you have to be strong and face it. Some of my other friends became paranoid with me for a few minutes, and just when I started to believe I was in the right state of mind, they forgot about it and went back to living the way they do. Next, I gathered all my courage and shared my fright with my mom. She had some of her own stories to share, and I did feel better knowing she understood what I was talking about, but she was helpless when it came to making me get over it. My dad confirmed it was paranoia, and tried to shake it off of me.

I was on my own now. So obviously I searched the internet and found forums on Google. That’s when I learned that I wasn’t alone. There were a large number of girls/women all over the world sharing their views and thoughts about the inescapable fear. I’ve never been the person who breaks down and is held back by her own fears, but every time that article’s story replayed in my head, my throat would dry. With time, things became better, and it wasn’t all that I thought about anymore. But again, six months ago, my nightmares were revisited when Delhi was hit by the December Bus Case. That’s when I decided once and for all, to get a grip on life.

There was a lot of information passed around through messages and social sites about ways girls could protect themselves. The first thing I did was, memorize it all. There were a lot of psychological surveys done on the rapists who were jailed, and I made a point to go through the facts over and over again until I knew most of it by heart. The next thing I did was put my parents and closest friends on speed dial. I prepared my mind in whatever way I could and promised myself that I wouldn’t go out alone until I didn’t absolutely have to; I resolved that the safest place to be (for me) is at home.

As a consequence of all that, I stopped going out, stopped meeting new people and stopped doing anything new or even slightly risky at all. It made me socially aloof, but I was at ease now. Then a few months back, I read an article that made me think differently. The rape victim’s autobiography told me that it was the fear of being intimately involved with someone without our free will. And it was just that- it was a fear that our mind had to overcome. And from that moment on, I knew that it was my mind that needed to be strong; the body would get over it automatically. I knew that it wasn’t something to be ashamed of if it happened to anyone, and I decided that it wasn’t something that would stop my life.

I did what I had to for myself (whatever I could think of), but there was one thing that still worried me. What if it was a planned incident? Nobody can escape a fool-proof plot without facing the damage to some extent. In many incidents, the victim’s parents are usually made to believe that she’s not coming back, that she ran away or died, and they stop looking. How can parents simply stop looking? I know this story about a girl who was trapped for days in a house, just blocks away from her own, but her parents had given up on her and found her dead in the park! That’s the worst thing ever, to know that there’s nobody looking for you, nobody is coming to save you…EVER. That’s something I still can’t get out of my head, and it’s usually the case in every story I get to hear. I try and tell myself that if (God forbids) it happened to me- I’ll fight for myself, and come back as the hero of my own story, or something….ha ha!

So then I come to answering the final question, is it okay to be scared? Yes, it is. If you always know what’s going to happen to you in the future, life won’t be worth living for. It’s okay to be scared so that you’re not stupid. But it’s not okay to be scared enough to stop you from doing something- from living. This particular fear of being kidnapped or raped is something that is a part of every girl’s life, even if it’s just at the back of her head. So if you’re just like me, or even close, grab on to this thought – rapists are low-lives. They might touch your body, but not your head- if you don’t let them. Face them, look them in the eye when you walk on the street, and let your unforgiving glare tell them once and for all that you’re not going to back down if it comes to that. If learning martial arts helps you- do it. If carrying pepper spray makes you feel stronger- carry two instead of one. We all have to find our own ways to balance between our paranoia and carelessness. And if you’re like me, I’d even tell you this- go find something else to worry about now. J

The Essence of Organ Donation

Organ donation- It’s not something we all think about, probably because we’ve never felt the need to. I didn’t even know a thing like this existed really, till some time back. I knew the idea of transplants was something doctors used when a person’s body started giving up on him/her. However, I never really thought people would decide that one day, after they’re dead, they are ready to give away their own organs to be stocked until somebody could use them in the future. I was pretty intrigued by the concept of letting someone scrape-out every inch of you, to give somebody else a few more years. And that’s why I did a little research, and decided to tell you what I found.

There are 100,000 people deprived of viable organs in the USA alone! And though the concept of organ donation has been accepted by twice the amount of people that agreed 20 years ago, the requirements for these organs has also multiplied, but by a much larger number. With numerous acts and legal policies to preserve every country’s culture and system, there is a term called opt-in that gives doctors the green signal to take your help to save another man’s life. However, some countries actually have a separate term, opt-out where until you don’t say otherwise, you are automatically a donor. That’s the factual part of it, but what about the sentiments of those who decide to donate, and those who are in need of the donation?

When a loved one is on their death bed, or in a state that might lead them to that stage, it is so because the body isn’t able to work the way it should to sustain their life. And in many cases, replacing some organs is the key to unlocking a long and healthy life for them. Well, have you ever thought what would happen if you knew the solution, but couldn’t give it to them? Maybe not, but think about it now. What if you have all the money in the world to take your loved one to the best hospital, but there’s no organ available for them, so there’s no hope? What now? Would you give up your own life and give your own organs to them? You wish you could, but you don’t have the guts to. And actually, you’re not really allowed to do that (because of all those laws and what not). So then what? You sit, and pray. God forbid you face such a situation, but there are people who go through it, and never get to the see light at the end of the tunnel. Something to think about now, isn’t it?

Now that you get what it’s like to be on the hopelessly hopeful end, for your own selfish sake, why not put yourself on the giving end, just in case you might be able to save a loved one’s life (if not your loved one, then somebody else’s)? I’ve thought about it, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. It’s scary, to imagine yourself cut open on the table, being deprived of the mere elements that made you - YOU. But think again, you’re gone; you aren’t in that body anymore. And wherever you’re headed next, you won’t need those organs, right? I am quoting a story from a TV show I watch, that made complete sense to me. A prisoner who was involved in some gruesome crimes was on his death bed, and was going to be executed in a few days even if he survived. His thoughts were that even if he couldn’t do anything good while he was alive, he wanted his chance after he was gone. And so, he decided to donate his organs. Even as insane as he was, I think I salute him for the one sane thought that left him a better man.

We all know that in places like India, our culture involves many practices that don’t exactly fit with this concept of giving away organs. But if you come to think of it, after you’re dead, your body is cremated. No organs are left, just ashes. Even if your religion involves you to bury the body into the ground, it’s the same story- you’re just bones and there’s no flesh left behind. Then why hold yourself back?

There are vital organs as such as the lungs, heart, kidneys and liver that a human body (actually anybody) can’t go on without much longer. Even for a person who needs new eyes, or skin (after they were burnt from a fire perhaps), there isn’t any less psychological damage to be faced. When you give your consent for the donation, you should know that you are probably saving multiple lives at once. Maybe your heart will go one place and your lungs to another. What could actually be more peaceful for your soul than to know that all because of you (not even the doctor), people’s lives were saved?? I believe that’s above every religion, and that’s the biggest example of humanity.

Once we look at the sentiments of those involved in the donation, we think about making the system better, of being able to reach out to more patients, and getting everyone to donate. Well I browsed some of the stories about countries who took initiatives and actually got positive results. For instance, in Israel, there’s a policy that a person who has signed the organ donation form will be given the preference for receiving an organ in time of need over the person who hasn’t signed. Pretty smart strategy, eh?  However, there’s also another side to the urge for donation transplants. The country Japan actually moved many steps back after an incident happened in 1968 that questioned the criminal liability of doctors who take organs from “brain dead” patients…yikes!

Of course there’s no knowing about what happens to the organs since there’s so much inhumanity that’s a part of this world. But you, as an individual can make an effort, and your family will know that you tried. You will be an inspiration to all those who know your story, and even if it’s hard for them to let go of you, they’ll always have something amazing to remember you by. So sit down today, and discuss with your family about the way organ donation works in your society. You don’t have to give away everything, you can work on that. Maybe your vital insides, or maybe just your eyes. I hope that by reading this message, atleast somebody’s life will be saved one day. J